Posts Tagged ‘Thoughtful’

Promises Otherwise Unkept

May 3, 2017

So a promise is sacred, at least in maintaining relationships. But, I guess we don’t ever really get away from ourselves… unless we lose it, and I’ve lost it a few times; had to find my way back*. Anyone who has accomplished this feat of mental health jujitsu understands, basically how not easy the process is

Mostly, because we are dicks to ourselves. Overly critical.

We hold the past against ourselves, even as we say aloud we won’t. We let things hurt because, with a smile we allow the sadness of everything within proximity a piggy back ride. We have settled time and again for our “lot in life.” We said we weren’t going to let ourselves do that again.

We make ourselves promises and wonder in the moment if we even mean it. Such a cynical way to set goals and motivate. It’s amazing we get anything accomplished at all really. It’s hard to stop the negative self talk when you are stared in the face by your irrational decision making… and fully get that it’s irrational.

Because, this is who we are – or, at least that’s what we have cut our selves short for in order to fill the role. It’s lazy. We know it. But, confronting that backlog of shit we didn’t do, couldn’t do, wouldn’t do and so on is a tough mother fucker to sort out. There are emotions we want to avoid and faces known now only by memory. Longing. Regret.

I say “we” in hopes to reach out, express that someone else understands, and for myself because I don’t want to believe that I’m alone. At the very least some culpability in future promises kept.

 

*Going back, yet recalling the fact that you cannot unexperience/unsee things.

Famous People

February 6, 2017
famous-guy

This is a famous guy you see all over shit. His name is Ryan, and I could care less, I only want him for his role in The Place Beyond the Pines.

I used to be one of those kids that worshiped famous people and dreamed about being one. There I was, watching rewards shows in awe, fantasizing about being on that stage; hanging out; rubbin’ elbows. It was ridiculous. I was like the white, suburb kid version of Precious.

That chimera has expired.

Now, I wouldn’t mind meeting famous people, but I wouldn’t mind meeting anyone – not really a big deal one way or the other. It’s because famous people are just regular people. There’s literally no difference, except more of us know who the famous ones are. They have money and adoration, but when it boils down that shit just isn’t substantial enough.

They still have physical boundaries, emotional relationships where they don’t always have all the leverage. A famous guy should wash their hands when they take a dump, and so should a regular dude. Ladies love shoes: Famous, check. Regular, check. I could go on, and on, but it’s not only non-profound, everyone already get’s this.

We all know famous people are famous. Pfft. But, do we really appreciate it? A quick look at the internet would tell me, “Not really.” Why do we lionize these people if they’re just like our boring assess?

This is a good question, but this isn’t about anyone else, it’s about me…

Today, I can’t watch a TV show without wondering what that actor is experiencing, for real, in that moment. Is there underwear riding up? Did they just get some bad news in between takes? Maybe they ate a burrito that fucked they’re shit up! Could someone on the set absolutely hate this actual, regular, vulnerable, insecure person. This so called famous person?

Sure I hold some in regard for their talents, however, there are people I’ve known that I can totally give them props for their talents/skill/fortitude, and that person is still a giant douche. And that’s okay. I just don’t want to have dinner with him any more than I do with someone I’ve never even met based on an illusion of who that person is.

It sounds cynical, but it’s not like I’m bummed out about it. I focus on who I’m with, people I can meet serendipitously just going out and being the regular person I am. I love my loved ones, prizing humility over honor.

Then I start to wonder how that would make them feel. To be ruled out simply because they are to well known. That is sort of fucked up. And why don’t I use the word celebrity more often. Probably because I have to spell it 5 times before I get it right…

Oh, well. I just think way to much.

 

I’ve Never Understood Hate…

April 6, 2014

I simply can’t understand hate for people you don’t understand… We should all be able to understand love and the pursuit of happiness, at least. Equal rights don’t equal just your perspective. We waste so much energy on all the wrong points. It really is so much more simple.

If the outcome is growth and love, then what the hell is wrong? And your argument has got to be logical. Don’t tell me because some book says so. Make up your own mind using the logic you have right there inside your own noggin.

Even the Slingblade guy can figure it out.

Or, is it because it challenges what your rationale is and thats what scares you? Weighing both sides out, the negative one seems to be the most negative for some reason.

If God gave you the power of observation and critical thinking, don’t you think you should figure out what makes real sense? No one is trying to deceive you, they are just trying to show you that they aren’t really that different from you. It’s not a trick.

Maybe, just maybe you should think about it and if you still can’t find it in your heart to forgive that which you don’t understand, well, then I forgive you.

❤ #zerocharisma

On How to Not “Fit In”

March 22, 2014

So I don’t always listen to my own advice. I’m going to blame it on inevitability instead of my own amount or lack of self-control. I know that I have the ability, it’s where my real focus lies at any given moment, not some cap on my strength or potential. My potential is huger than I am cognitive of.

I think that may be why people take such a confrontational stance against me. I want to convey that just because I’m smart, talented, and straight to the point with my input to others, it doesn’t mean I am free of flaws or incapable of screwing up. Quite the opposite. It takes a lot of work to stay balanced with the perception and insight that I do have.

The way I was programmed into the person I am today is quite in opposition to my actual desires or goals of whom I want to be. But, I can’t make people change their minds. There is no magical phrase or easy in – no matter what anyone tells you is possible. I’m the one that has to realize how different I am from the “average” way people view the world and people in it around them. I must keep stepping forward even if it is a little to the side sometimes.

It must remain a forward progression.

The things that bother me about people I need to be able to brush off through relating or forgiving by means of progressive meditation. This is meditation that I use in real-time. There just isn’t enough time to sit around and deeply meditate about every little thing that irks me about society and it’s individuals. I need to make snap judgments as I interact and progress. By the minute, by the second – constantly. If I fail to make a connection at some level, I must default to forgiveness.

Because I need to feel comfortable being me in a world full of people who are not.

Complexities

February 12, 2014

Drawing is the muscle memory of shapes and where shadows go in conjunction with them. Art, however, is a synergy between the ever evolving human condition and immaculate conception. The resulting arch of static tension manifests within any mind that makes a connection with the experience – positive or negative. Art is the cold dry air, the carpet brushed socks, the graceful beginnings of a well-intentioned kiss and the formidable resulting shock.


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